This woman is a longtime customer with an annoying child. Both are trashy, but the woman is constantly stealing things while letting her child wander the store causing trouble.
No caption required.
On this particular day, she went through the self-checkouts. After pestering me several times to help her do things that she's done a hundred times (she always uses self-checkout), she forced me to stop what I was doing and proceeded to tell me that the machine wasn't registering the money she'd put in.
We hate these too. I promise.
I'm going to be bluntly honest, I've fallen for this a time or two. She's pretty good at spotting the machines that are being glitchy that day and going to them. Unfortunately for her, once I count everything up that night, I know damn well why things are off. This time around, she tried to tell me that she'd put a 20 into the machine and it wasn't registering it. So I popped the machine open and had a look for myself.
The most recent bill accepted wasn't a 20. It was a 5 dollar bill. And Smirky McBitch knew it.
I don't know her name. That's her name now.
Hi! My name is Smirky McBitch, and I'll be your crook today!
I smiled and shut the machine. I told her that the most recent bill wasn't a 20 and she must be mistaken. She starts asking her twit of a child if he'd taken it, what must've happened, oh lord, what horrible mistakes we're making to not believe her.....so I get my direct supervisor, Ellen.
Who is a total badass.
As soon as the thief saw saw her, the woman changed her tune, asking me if the bill was a 5 and insisting that she, not I, must have been mistaken. Talking to Ellen later, turns out that she's already threatened this woman with a ban before because of her thieving antics.
Now the thief knows I'm on to her too. Maybe she won't cause as much trouble next time. Maybe she'll take her ugly child to another store to rob.
Ever get into a fight at the grocery store? Even a small argument will do.
If you said no, you're probably a liar. Go to the corner and think about what you've done.
Customers are constantly getting into it with each other. But like most mothers say, it's how you handle that frustration and anger that makes all the difference.
I say that you do something about it.*
Standing in line and someone won't get off their phone? Do like a customer that is still near and dear to my heart, even though I have no idea who they are. Scream "heelllllllllooooo" at them in order to get their attention and gesture wildly at how rude they're being by not finishing their order. I'm not allowed to, even though I've wanted to.
Someone cut in front of you in the line? Punch that bitch in the face.
The person ahead of you can't figure out how much she has on her EBT card before she held you up for an hour while they rang up $300 worth of groceries? Also punch that bitch in the face. Then make her eat everything she grabbed. It's like smoking; you gotta catch this kind of behavior early.
You see someone stealing? Don't tell the staff. We can do almost absolutely nothing about it unless we follow very specific rules. Which means we typically can do nothing about it. Call them on it. Throw their stuff on the ground and stomp it until the stolen merchandise is retrieved.
Someone getting too close to your buggy to look at your baby? Tell them off. I see some people get creepy close and even I want to say something. Too bad I can't unless I see them actually taking your kid.
In the end, it's just one more way a faceless customer is just a little bit more interesting.
*Disclaimer: For legal reasons, I'm supposed to mention that you really shouldn't do anything I suggest beyond this point. Besides, if you end up in court for assault, "the internet made me do it" probably won't buy you any brownie points.
The pay is better, and I don't have to do some of the regular chores. That's always nice. But I work directly with an incompetent person who, through a combination of well-placed ass-kissing and well-timed/well-hidden tantrums at lower staff, has managed to convince corporate that she deserves certain titles and accolades. It takes a lot of work to do my own job, let alone hers.
If you're asking if this is you, it's probably you.
But for the most part, that's all coming from one douchenozzle of a person. This person, we'll call her Eliza, spends all day chattering on the phones and openly admits to ignoring work, even going as far as throwing a screaming fit when forced to wait on a customer.
You had to help how many people today? Poor baby.
Then there's the customers themselves. When people come to customer service, typically, they're already angry or just want some lotto. Lotto is easy, and for the most part, I can solve the anger issues pretty quickly and smoothly as well. I guess that's why I got the job. But some things are out of my control.
Please understand that when I can't solve your problems, or give you a massive discount because you misread the sign, it's not because I hate you. That's only a sidenote. It's typically because I simply can't. Don't like it? Call corporate. Or even my manager. They'll side with me.
If you don't like the price of an item, I do care to hear your complaints. It's what I'm here for. But I cannot, no matter how hard you demand, walk over and mark it down myself. If you tell me that another big chain *cough* Wal-Mart *cough* is cheaper, I'm going to suggest the best route there.
You have plenty of options!
On that note, don't hand me fake checks and/or fake money. We are trained to spot this, and even if we weren't, we touch and see more bills every single day than you will see in your entire lifetime unless your last name is Hilton. I know what's fake and what's real at a glance. For some of the poorer examples I've come across, I could do it blindfolded based on how it feels. Fake coupons suck too, and all three could cost me my job just because you don't want to pay full price for Febreeze.
Sweet, sweet Febreeze.
My new job entails bossing around and rearranging cashiers. Some are slower than others, so if I tell you that a line with two people will be faster than the line with one, trust me on that. I know how my people operate and I truly am trying to get rid of you as fast as possible.
For the record, I rotate the sucky job (I can think of one in
particular). We do this so as not to pick on anyone, despite speed.
I try not to let it be me. -.-;
If you ask me if something is in the back....probably not. If I think there's a legitimate chance of it being there, I'll check for you 9 out of 10 times. If I tell you there's nothing there and you insist, or if you ask rudely, I'm going to just go stand around and joke with the staff in the breakroom til I think you're done being an asshole. We don't stock a lot of major things ourselves, so I can tell you immediately if we have them.
If I get a call for help while I already have 5 customers in line, I try to make time to get the person that called me too. It might not be immediate, and will probably put the person in line on hold for two minutes. Thus far, I have been fortunate with sweet people willing to wait a moment for their tickets. These rare gems of people will forever have my gratitude and always receive a warm welcome when they come in. Those that get angry that I'm not AT THE DESK ready to serve their demands when they first walk in the door get their patience tested. I can make the wait much longer than it ever needs to be.
The new job is hard work, as it requires a lot of general tolerance and patience.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Treat me like a goddamn human being. I might just respond in kind.
I'm in a bit of a rant/rage mood at the moment, and I'd like to share a few things. Just a few ground rules. I don't know why they aren't common sense, but these have proven necessary to establish.
1. DO NOT TOUCH ME.
2. Don't ask for my number. You aren't getting it.
3. Do not ask me to get into a fight. I don't know you, and I don't want to randomly fight you. Besides, if we did, I bite, scratch, spit, pull hair, and kick for the groin.
4. If your kid says they have to go, take them NOW.
5. If you want to get mad at me to the point of leaving because I don't have your poptarts, oh well. One less person I have to deal with next time around.
6. Do not ask me to keep your stuff safe for you for more than five minutes without purchasing, or it will be put back, and you will be responsible for getting it all again.
7. Don't hand me a wet discount card and tell me it's "butt sweat." It's your food I'm touching, so it's really a lose/lose situation.
8. WE HATE THOSE ELECTRONIC CHICKEN THINGS THAT DANCE AND SING. LEAVE THEM ALONE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Screw you.
9. I'm not the only one responsible for remembering your discount card, despite what they may say. If you forget it and act angry at me, "there's nothing I can do." If you're nice about it and share responsibility, I'll take that hit on my job and tell you how to fix it.
10. I don't mind people with disabilities. I'm happy to help however I can, even if it's carrying groceries to your car. But I do NOT appreciate people treating me like I did badly for not taking care of them before helping the sweet old lady. Get over it, I have priorities.
11. If you see me running more than one machine at the same time (self checkouts), they're randomly breaking and shutting down, and you tell me that you need me to ring up your stuff FOR you when you CHOSE to come to a self-checkout, you go to the bottom of my to-do list.
I'm sorry I'm a little grumpy about these, but most of them seem like common sense. Just be a little nicer to me, cause I have to be nice to you. Most of the time.
As a cashier, you get some horrible people coming through your line. But that's another post. Today, I'd like to mention a few of the problems plaguing the industry, even to the point of decreased productivity.
1. Bad Bosses
This is true of any workplace, not just in a retail situation. Bad bosses get in the way of productive work, as well as refusing to do much of their own.
At least they seemed to like him.
I've had bosses of all kinds, having been a cashier for way too long while I work on higher education. Unfortunately, the boss I had the longest was the worst. She got fired after the cashiers were privately asked to take a survey and express our opinions of our staff. Perhaps a corporation of the people can exist.
2. Bad Coworkers
We've all had that coworker. The gossip. The texter. The lazy one. The complainer. Hell, you might even BE one of those people. But without these specific people, the day would run much more smoothly, and things would get done with much less drama.
Sometimes, it feels the same.
3. Those $(%*&# Plastic Bags
The plastic bags that many people are forced to use tend to stick together and come off in chunks, rather than one at a time, either taking a lot of time to separate them or getting thrown away. We spend so much time fussing over making these bags work and unstick that we really waste a lot of otherwise useful time and energy just standing and pulling bags apart. Assuming we don't get aggravated and trash them.
Either way, they create a massive amount of waste, whether it be time or material, unlike cloth bags.
4. Those $(%*&# Cloth Bags
Cloth bags are often purchased with the best of intentions, but most of the time, customers forget them. Or, if they brought them, they bring too few or have a special preference that makes things difficult, and plastic bags still end up being used. Shockingly enough, they waste more time, more money, and just as many plastic bags as before unless the person using them is really on their toes about grabbing them.
5. Coupons/Advertised Discounts that Just Don't Work
Don't forget the thirty different conditions that go along with it and is only in the teeny tiny print!
Let's get one thing straight: I am a human punching bag for all of the verbal insults that could possibly be hurled at someone. If I retort, I'm the one who's ass is on the line for it.
This means that it must be a good idea to make sure that any coupons attached directly to items work, or, barring this measure, that at least the ads in the circular work. Of course not, though. If that was the way things worked, it'd be way too easy. Instead, I get yelled at while my overworked supervising staff takes time from their customers and tasks to either override the system or find SOME way of making it all work. In the end, no one is really happy, and I still have to apologize.*
*I would like to note here that many of my customers have taken these sorts of setbacks with good humor and grace, and they are my heroes. I'm not a patient person, but I'm always really grateful when they are.
MORAL OF THE STORY: You, dear and valued customer, aren't the only thing bringing down my day.
The good people of the government have decided that you cannot buy alcohol until you're 21 years of age.
No, not the face...no....aw, hell, just take the damn beer.
I realize and appreciate that you want to have a good time, but when you try to buy items that you are not legally old enough to buy, you shaft other people when they're caught. This means that we're going to check your ID. If you're underage, sucks to be you. Don't screw over your cashier.
Sincerely,
A Cashier
DEAR PEOPLE WHO ARE OVER 21 IN THE US OF A:
Congratulations!
You have made it at least 21 years without killing yourself! Your reward? BOOZE.
What a sweet trophy...
Sincerely,
Your Cashier
I've compiled a list of my favorite carded people, over- and underage.
1. It's always a bit of a shocker when I get a prison ID. Doesn't happen often, and I don't think that's technically acceptable ID. But at that point, I'm not really interested in saying no anymore.
They've seen things, man...
2. A 15 year old girl bringing in an ID saying she was at least 60, claiming her husband was a plastic surgeon who did good work (She didn't get the alcohol).
3. A woman who cussed me out after I refused to sell her alcohol when she had no ID. She looked as if she could have been 21, but her two friends weren't, and I wasn't taking chances. They were all dressed up for a night on the town and were not happy that I wasn't going to sell them alcohol. During her cursing and ranting, the woman mentioned buying a case of beer there everyday. If that's the truth, maybe I did her a favor.....
4. A man went to 3 different registers attempting to buy alcohol in a single night. Not one cashier sold it to him. Next night? Same thing. I haven't seen him since.
5. A woman yelled at me for not carding a person that I've carded many times in the past and practically knew, considering how many times he'd been in the store. I was polite to her, but what I hope she realizes next time is that unless she's wearing a police badge or a store badge, who I do and do not card is no business of hers. It's just an attempt to stir up trouble at that point. She wasn't technically the one getting carded, but eh. It still makes the list.
It IS their business.
I'm sure I'll have more delightful folks soon, but these are just my top 5 right now.
