After 2 Years Away...

So I've been promoted.

Should be a good thing, right?

Not so much.

The pay is better, and I don't have to do some of the regular chores.  That's always nice.  But I work directly with an incompetent person who, through a combination of well-placed ass-kissing and well-timed/well-hidden tantrums at lower staff, has managed to convince corporate that she deserves certain titles and accolades.  It takes a lot of work to do my own job, let alone hers.

If you're asking if this is you, it's probably you.

But for the most part, that's all coming from one douchenozzle of a person.  This person, we'll call her Eliza, spends all day chattering on the phones and openly admits to ignoring work, even going as far as throwing a screaming fit when forced to wait on a customer.
 

You had to help how many people today?  Poor baby.

 Then there's the customers themselves.  When people come to customer service, typically, they're already angry or just want some lotto.  Lotto is easy, and for the most part, I can solve the anger issues pretty quickly and smoothly as well.  I guess that's why I got the job.  But some things are out of my control.

Please understand that when I can't solve your problems, or give you a massive discount because you misread the sign, it's not because I hate you.  That's only a sidenote.  It's typically because I simply can't.  Don't like it?  Call corporate.  Or even my manager.  They'll side with me.

If you don't like the price of an item, I do care to hear your complaints.  It's what I'm here for.  But I cannot, no matter how hard you demand, walk over and mark it down myself.  If you tell me that another big chain *cough* Wal-Mart *cough* is cheaper, I'm going to suggest the best route there.

You have plenty of options!

On that note, don't hand me fake checks and/or fake money.  We are trained to spot this, and even if we weren't, we touch and see more bills every single day than you will see in your entire lifetime unless your last name is Hilton.  I know what's fake and what's real at a glance.  For some of the poorer examples I've come across, I could do it blindfolded based on how it feels.  Fake coupons suck too, and all three could cost me my job just because you don't want to pay full price for Febreeze.

Sweet, sweet Febreeze.

My new job entails bossing around and rearranging cashiers.  Some are slower than others, so if I tell you that a line with two people will be faster than the line with one, trust me on that.  I know how my people operate and I truly am trying to get rid of you as fast as possible.


For the record, I rotate the sucky job (I can think of one in particular).  We do this so as not to pick on anyone, despite speed.  

I try not to let it be me.  -.-;

If you ask me if something is in the back....probably not.  If I think there's a legitimate chance of it being there, I'll check for you 9 out of 10 times.  If I tell you there's nothing there and you insist, or if you ask rudely, I'm going to just go stand around and joke with the staff in the breakroom til I think you're done being an asshole.  We don't stock a lot of major things ourselves, so I can tell you immediately if we have them.

If I get a call for help while I already have 5 customers in line, I try to make time to get the person that called me too.  It might not be immediate, and will probably put the person in line on hold for two minutes.  Thus far, I have been fortunate with sweet people willing to wait a moment for their tickets.  These rare gems of people will forever have my gratitude and always receive a warm welcome when they come in.  Those that get angry that I'm not AT THE DESK ready to serve their demands when they first walk in the door get their patience tested.  I can make the wait much longer than it ever needs to be.

The new job is hard work, as it requires a lot of general tolerance and patience. 

MORAL OF THE STORY:  Treat me like a goddamn human being.  I might just respond in kind.

Common Sense....What's That?

I'm in a bit of a rant/rage mood at the moment, and I'd like to share a few things.  Just a few ground rules.  I don't know why they aren't common sense, but these have proven necessary to establish.

1. DO NOT TOUCH ME.

2. Don't ask for my number.  You aren't getting it.

3. Do not ask me to get into a fight.  I don't know you, and I don't want to randomly fight you.  Besides, if we did, I bite, scratch, spit, pull hair, and kick for the groin.

4. If your kid says they have to go, take them NOW.

5. If you want to get mad at me to the point of leaving because I don't have your poptarts, oh well.  One less person I have to deal with next time around.

6. Do not ask me to keep your stuff safe for you for more than five minutes without purchasing, or it will be put back, and you will be responsible for getting it all again.

7. Don't hand me a wet discount card and tell me it's "butt sweat."  It's your food I'm touching, so it's really a lose/lose situation.

8. WE HATE THOSE ELECTRONIC CHICKEN THINGS THAT DANCE AND SING.  LEAVE THEM ALONE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Screw you.

9. I'm not the only one responsible for remembering your discount card, despite what they may say.  If you forget it and act angry at me, "there's nothing I can do."  If you're nice about it and share responsibility, I'll take that hit on my job and tell you how to fix it.

10. I don't mind people with disabilities.  I'm happy to help however I can, even if it's carrying groceries to your car.  But I do NOT appreciate people treating me like I did badly for not taking care of them before helping the sweet old lady.  Get over it, I have priorities.

11. If you see me running more than one machine at the same time (self checkouts), they're randomly breaking and shutting down, and you tell me that you need me to ring up your stuff FOR you when you CHOSE to come to a self-checkout, you go to the bottom of my to-do list.

I'm sorry I'm a little grumpy about these, but most of them seem like common sense.  Just be a little nicer to me, cause I have to be nice to you.  Most of the time.