This woman is a longtime customer with an annoying child. Both are trashy, but the woman is constantly stealing things while letting her child wander the store causing trouble.
No caption required.
On this particular day, she went through the self-checkouts. After pestering me several times to help her do things that she's done a hundred times (she always uses self-checkout), she forced me to stop what I was doing and proceeded to tell me that the machine wasn't registering the money she'd put in.
We hate these too. I promise.
I'm going to be bluntly honest, I've fallen for this a time or two. She's pretty good at spotting the machines that are being glitchy that day and going to them. Unfortunately for her, once I count everything up that night, I know damn well why things are off. This time around, she tried to tell me that she'd put a 20 into the machine and it wasn't registering it. So I popped the machine open and had a look for myself.
The most recent bill accepted wasn't a 20. It was a 5 dollar bill. And Smirky McBitch knew it.
I don't know her name. That's her name now.
Hi! My name is Smirky McBitch, and I'll be your crook today!
I smiled and shut the machine. I told her that the most recent bill wasn't a 20 and she must be mistaken. She starts asking her twit of a child if he'd taken it, what must've happened, oh lord, what horrible mistakes we're making to not believe her.....so I get my direct supervisor, Ellen.
Who is a total badass.
As soon as the thief saw saw her, the woman changed her tune, asking me if the bill was a 5 and insisting that she, not I, must have been mistaken. Talking to Ellen later, turns out that she's already threatened this woman with a ban before because of her thieving antics.
Now the thief knows I'm on to her too. Maybe she won't cause as much trouble next time. Maybe she'll take her ugly child to another store to rob.
Ever get into a fight at the grocery store? Even a small argument will do.
If you said no, you're probably a liar. Go to the corner and think about what you've done.
Customers are constantly getting into it with each other. But like most mothers say, it's how you handle that frustration and anger that makes all the difference.
I say that you do something about it.*
Standing in line and someone won't get off their phone? Do like a customer that is still near and dear to my heart, even though I have no idea who they are. Scream "heelllllllllooooo" at them in order to get their attention and gesture wildly at how rude they're being by not finishing their order. I'm not allowed to, even though I've wanted to.
Someone cut in front of you in the line? Punch that bitch in the face.
The person ahead of you can't figure out how much she has on her EBT card before she held you up for an hour while they rang up $300 worth of groceries? Also punch that bitch in the face. Then make her eat everything she grabbed. It's like smoking; you gotta catch this kind of behavior early.
You see someone stealing? Don't tell the staff. We can do almost absolutely nothing about it unless we follow very specific rules. Which means we typically can do nothing about it. Call them on it. Throw their stuff on the ground and stomp it until the stolen merchandise is retrieved.
Someone getting too close to your buggy to look at your baby? Tell them off. I see some people get creepy close and even I want to say something. Too bad I can't unless I see them actually taking your kid.
In the end, it's just one more way a faceless customer is just a little bit more interesting.
*Disclaimer: For legal reasons, I'm supposed to mention that you really shouldn't do anything I suggest beyond this point. Besides, if you end up in court for assault, "the internet made me do it" probably won't buy you any brownie points.
The pay is better, and I don't have to do some of the regular chores. That's always nice. But I work directly with an incompetent person who, through a combination of well-placed ass-kissing and well-timed/well-hidden tantrums at lower staff, has managed to convince corporate that she deserves certain titles and accolades. It takes a lot of work to do my own job, let alone hers.
If you're asking if this is you, it's probably you.
But for the most part, that's all coming from one douchenozzle of a person. This person, we'll call her Eliza, spends all day chattering on the phones and openly admits to ignoring work, even going as far as throwing a screaming fit when forced to wait on a customer.
You had to help how many people today? Poor baby.
Then there's the customers themselves. When people come to customer service, typically, they're already angry or just want some lotto. Lotto is easy, and for the most part, I can solve the anger issues pretty quickly and smoothly as well. I guess that's why I got the job. But some things are out of my control.
Please understand that when I can't solve your problems, or give you a massive discount because you misread the sign, it's not because I hate you. That's only a sidenote. It's typically because I simply can't. Don't like it? Call corporate. Or even my manager. They'll side with me.
If you don't like the price of an item, I do care to hear your complaints. It's what I'm here for. But I cannot, no matter how hard you demand, walk over and mark it down myself. If you tell me that another big chain *cough* Wal-Mart *cough* is cheaper, I'm going to suggest the best route there.
You have plenty of options!
On that note, don't hand me fake checks and/or fake money. We are trained to spot this, and even if we weren't, we touch and see more bills every single day than you will see in your entire lifetime unless your last name is Hilton. I know what's fake and what's real at a glance. For some of the poorer examples I've come across, I could do it blindfolded based on how it feels. Fake coupons suck too, and all three could cost me my job just because you don't want to pay full price for Febreeze.
Sweet, sweet Febreeze.
My new job entails bossing around and rearranging cashiers. Some are slower than others, so if I tell you that a line with two people will be faster than the line with one, trust me on that. I know how my people operate and I truly am trying to get rid of you as fast as possible.
For the record, I rotate the sucky job (I can think of one in
particular). We do this so as not to pick on anyone, despite speed.
I try not to let it be me. -.-;
If you ask me if something is in the back....probably not. If I think there's a legitimate chance of it being there, I'll check for you 9 out of 10 times. If I tell you there's nothing there and you insist, or if you ask rudely, I'm going to just go stand around and joke with the staff in the breakroom til I think you're done being an asshole. We don't stock a lot of major things ourselves, so I can tell you immediately if we have them.
If I get a call for help while I already have 5 customers in line, I try to make time to get the person that called me too. It might not be immediate, and will probably put the person in line on hold for two minutes. Thus far, I have been fortunate with sweet people willing to wait a moment for their tickets. These rare gems of people will forever have my gratitude and always receive a warm welcome when they come in. Those that get angry that I'm not AT THE DESK ready to serve their demands when they first walk in the door get their patience tested. I can make the wait much longer than it ever needs to be.
The new job is hard work, as it requires a lot of general tolerance and patience.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Treat me like a goddamn human being. I might just respond in kind.
